Envy

[lady_windermere]

shinodabear did an Angel/Lindsey story for the slashthedrabble prompt Envy here

Well my muse and a plot bunny up and bit the bait. Yes they wanted in on it. Angel musing on his relationship with Spike. It is not a drabble, as it is over 500 words.

Title Envy
Author woman_of_
Word count 547
Character Angel
Summary Angel muses on his feelings for William the Bloody/Spike since 1880


Angel shook, mainly from repressed anger. He kept telling himself and everyone else that Spike only wanted women, champion status, to find redemption, because of Angel. Spike only wanted what Angel had. Spike was envious of him. That is what he wanted everyone, himself included, to think.

Angel knew better. From the moment in the carriage, after they had hunted down the wedding party, and William had wanted to go back to Dru, rather than stay with him. He had to punish William for wanting to be with Drusilla rather than himself. Angelus should be his be all and end all, he should come first at all times. So he had got back to the house they had taken as a lair, and fucked Drusilla. Not because he wanted her, but because he wanted to show William. Show him that he should always give Angelus what he wanted.

In Sunnydale, when Spike and Drusilla arrived all he wanted to do was get them away from Buffy. It was too difficult to say where his feelings lay. He easily dusted Darla for Buffy, but these two, he flinched. The decision was too difficult.

Then Angelus came back, and made it back to the lair. His boy was in a wheelchair, dependent on Drusilla. Again Spike turned to Drusilla, again Angelus had to show Spike that Drusilla was not to be trusted. He knew his boy would heal. That Spike still showed more loyalty to Drusilla hurt him, he would destroy the world, and be master of all he surveyed. Then his boy would be his.

Buffy and Spike fought against him, Spike to get Drusilla back. That hurt. That was what hurt the most while he was in the Hellish Dimension. That Drusilla still came first.

Years went by, he left Sunnydale and found a new life for himself in L.A. as a champion of The Powers That Be. Buffy sent him the Ring of Amarra. Spike came looking for it, but luckily Spike got away, and he destroyed the Ring. He couldn't be in the light. He had to fight the creatures of the dark, protect the people at night. At least that is what he told Doyle.

When he found out that Spike had slept with Buffy, then that he had a soul, he was disoriented. He walked away when Buffy told him to. He didn't know what else to do. The shock was too much.

Then Spike appeared in L.A. Something inside him broke. All the years from 1880 seemed bitter and twisted. He hardened his heart, and let Spike survive. When Spike sacrificed himself to save Fred, then his only thought that another was more important to Spike than himself.

Now Spike was solid again, and getting on with his life. At one point he thought that Spike was the new champion. It nearly broke him. He had plans. He wanted to be a good champion, to earn an even greater reward. He wanted to bargain with them to give him his companion. One he had sought for since 1880, one he had tried to show that he, in whatever incarnation he held, was perfect for him.

He was not envious of Spike, his envy was at anyone who came between him and Spike.